We Ranked Every Dictator by How Fun They Are to Draw On

At EVANDALIZE, we stare at dictator portraits all day. It's our job. Someone has to decide which authoritarian leaders make the best drawing canvases for adversarial verification challenges, and that someone is us. After extensive research (drawing on hundreds of photos), we present our definitive tier list. This is the most important ranking in cybersecurity. We will not be taking questions.

S Tier: Kim Jong Un

The GOAT. The undisputed champion. Kim Jong Un's face is S tier canvas real estate and it's not even close. The round face provides an enormous drawing surface. The signature haircut is begging for modifications (mohawk, flames, a small bird nesting in it). The expression in official portraits is always this incredibly serious, almost constipated dignity that becomes exponentially funnier with even the smallest addition. A single monocle. A tiny party hat. Chef's kiss. His face is also the highest-stakes canvas in the EVANDALIZE system, because defacing it in North Korea carries the death penalty, which makes it the most secure challenge AND the most satisfying to doodle on. A rare double achievement.

A Tier: Vladimir Putin

Putin presents a different artistic challenge. The face is narrower, which means less raw acreage, but the forehead is genuinely underrated real estate. Massive. Blank. Practically a billboard. The perpetually stern expression is a strong foundation for comedy. We've seen users add flower crowns, heart-shaped sunglasses, and elaborate facial hair with consistently excellent results. Points deducted because the shirtless horseback photos, while iconic, make the drawing canvas too busy. For optimal results, use the standard headshot. The stern gaze plus any playful addition creates a contrast that is, frankly, art.

A Tier: Alexander Lukashenko

A sleeper pick that the community has really rallied around. The mustache is already doing a lot of heavy lifting, comedy-wise, and users tend to build on it rather than replace it. We've seen it extended into elaborate handlebars, converted into a full walrus situation, and once transformed into what can only be described as "mustache wings." The large head and rounded features give you plenty of room to work. Strong A tier. Possibly S tier on a good day.

B Tier: Xi Jinping

Here's where it gets controversial. Xi Jinping is objectively an important challenge target (China's "picking quarrels" laws make it extremely high-stakes for operatives), but the drawing experience is... fine. The expression in official photos is this mild, diplomatic smile that's weirdly hard to make funnier. You can add things to it, sure, but the base expression doesn't have the same comedic tension as Kim's stone-faced seriousness or Putin's icy stare. The Winnie the Pooh angle has been done to death, and we respect our users' creativity too much to lean on it. Solid B tier. Good security value, moderate artistic satisfaction.

B Tier: Bashar al-Assad

The elongated face creates an unusual vertical canvas that some users love and others find limiting. Strong jawline provides good anchor points for beard additions. The thin mustache is an interesting starting point. Respectable but not elite-tier drawing satisfaction.

C Tier: Everyone Else

We're not going to rank every authoritarian leader on earth by face doodleability. We have some dignity. (Very little, but some.) The EVANDALIZE challenge system dynamically selects portraits based on the specific threat vector you're filtering for, so the artistic experience varies. But know that when we select portraits for the system, drawing satisfaction is genuinely one of our criteria. We take this seriously. Someone has to.

Try It Yourself

Grab a free API key from the dashboard and see which portrait you get. Check the API docs to integrate it into your app. Every verification is a tiny act of creative defiance, and honestly, that's the most fun you'll ever have with a security product.